小明 : 把拔，我們班今天有轉學生耶!
老爸 : 是喔? 然後呢?
小明 ： 好暈，下課一直吐。
2013年11月9日 星期六
Should I cut it into six pieces or eight?
A man walked in to a pizza place and ordered a pizza.
The pizza man asked him,
"Should I cut it into six pieces or eight?"
And the man answered,
"Cut it into six; I couldn't eat eight."
The pizza man asked him,
"Should I cut it into six pieces or eight?"
And the man answered,
"Cut it into six; I couldn't eat eight."
Tuesday and Thursday
A Polak is applying for a job.
During the interview, the chief decided to ask him a question.
“How many days in the week that start with ‘T’?”
The Polak said, “Two!”
“Very good!” said the chief. "And what are they?”
“Today and Tomorrow!”
During the interview, the chief decided to ask him a question.
“How many days in the week that start with ‘T’?”
The Polak said, “Two!”
“Very good!” said the chief. "And what are they?”
“Today and Tomorrow!”
Measure the height of a pole
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick.
He's standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak's ignorance,
the American wrenches the pole out of his hand,
lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick,
and says, "There! 10 feet long."
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts,
"You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"
He's standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak's ignorance,
the American wrenches the pole out of his hand,
lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick,
and says, "There! 10 feet long."
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts,
"You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"
Mark fishing sopt
These two Polish men rent a boat and go fishing in a lake.
They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day,
so one says to the other,
"We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks,
"But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint,
paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says,
"We'll just look for this X tomorrow."
The other guy says,
"You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"
They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day,
so one says to the other,
"We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks,
"But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint,
paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says,
"We'll just look for this X tomorrow."
The other guy says,
"You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"
Nail
These two Poles are building a house.
One of them is putting on the siding.
He picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another nail, throws it away.
Picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another, throws it away.
This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies,
"Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
The buddy gets exasperated and says
"You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"
One of them is putting on the siding.
He picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another nail, throws it away.
Picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another, throws it away.
This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies,
"Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
The buddy gets exasperated and says
"You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"
Saw
A Polish man is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard.
He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him,
"Look, I have a lot of models,
but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model.
This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So the Pole takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees.
After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit.
He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?", the man asks himself.
"I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", he tells himself.
So, the next morning he gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall,
and he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw.
"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.
I will take this saw back to the dealer."
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem.
The dealer, baffled by the Pole's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case.
The dealer says, "Huh, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw,
to which the Pole responds, "What's that noise?"
He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him,
"Look, I have a lot of models,
but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model.
This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So the Pole takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees.
After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit.
He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?", the man asks himself.
"I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", he tells himself.
So, the next morning he gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall,
and he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw.
"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.
I will take this saw back to the dealer."
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem.
The dealer, baffled by the Pole's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case.
The dealer says, "Huh, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw,
to which the Pole responds, "What's that noise?"
We know you're up there
A Polish, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers
when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The English guy, thinking fast, says,
"Tweet, tweet, tweet..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says,
"Hoot, Hoot, Hoot..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says,
"Moo, moo, moo..."
when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The English guy, thinking fast, says,
"Tweet, tweet, tweet..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says,
"Hoot, Hoot, Hoot..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout,
"We know you're up there. Come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says,
"Moo, moo, moo..."
2013年11月4日 星期一
2013年11月3日 星期日
最慘的四個誤會
誤會一：
今天加班，
女同事帶了袋牛奶放在熱水器上加熱，
男同事準備去裝開水，
女同事輕聲說：你摸摸我的奶熱不熱？
男同事說：這裡人很多喔！
女同事說：沒關係呀！叫你摸摸又不是讓你喝...
誤會二：
公司老闆在公司找不到二兒子，
正好碰到女財務部經理，便問：看見我老二了嗎？
經理臉一紅，低聲說：我一直想看，您不給機會呀。
經理臉一紅，低聲說：我一直想看，您不給機會呀。
誤會三：
男女相親，在茶館面對面坐，語拙無題，
男生主動挑起話題，妳是怎樣看待房巿的？
女一楞低頭沈默許久，說：只要姿勢不要太奇怪，我會儘量配合，但一定要讓我叫出來！
誤會四：
男同學到女同學工作的城市出差，女到飯店探望。
談天正投緣，聊到個人收入，
男問女：你稅後多少錢？
女臉一紅，弱弱回答：同學要睡還提啥錢，今天上床就算我招待你吧！
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